


I Believe I Can Fly

by meganhamner99



Series: resistance bois ft. cultist bois [12]
Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Alcohol, Multi, crackfic, drunk!deputy, spider-rook, spiderman rook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-08-20 20:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20233825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meganhamner99/pseuds/meganhamner99
Summary: bluescooterbabe said: Can we talk about how much john would hate meI'm literally in his house, swinging around on a ropeI need a crackfic where john is having a peaceful night in, drinking a glass of wine and reading in front of the fireplace when a drunk-ass rook descends from the ceiling on a fucking rope and starts swinging around pretending to be spidermanJohn and his family are enjoying a nice night in when it's all ruined courtesy of the Deputy.





	I Believe I Can Fly

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a conversation we had in a discord chat so uhhh...enjoy this crackfic!

His responsibilities for the night were done and John could feel the exhaustion settling into his bones. 

As soon as he’d gotten back to the ranch with his siblings, John had gone upstairs to change into comfier clothes while Jacob made some coffee and Joseph lit the fireplace. Faith had taken up the job of shifting furniture around so that they could all be closer to each other.

With all the chaos going on in Hope County since the Deputy arrived, the three brothers didn’t get to spend as much time together as they used to. Hence why the three of them were together for some scheduled family time.

To John, the sound of the wine bottle being uncorked was instant relief, just as the sound of coffee dripping into the pot was for Jacob.

John grabbed a copy of the book he was currently reading and decided to settle in on the couch once he’d corked his wine. Similar to a cat, John stretched out with his head resting against one of the sofa’s armrests and his legs taking up a sofa cushion or two. As soon as his coffee was done, Jacob came into the living room and with a devilish smirk on his face, grabbed John’s ankles and knocked them off the couch. 

Jacob took up the loveseat that was to the right of his youngest brother, the latter of whom was grumbling and readjusting himself again. Faith took up the rest of the sofa that John wasn’t occupying and Joseph was in the loveseat to the left.

Having peace and quiet without anywhere to go or anything to do was serene to the small family. But naturally, it couldn’t last forever.

At about a quarter to midnight, the Seeds were still in the living room, though their seats had shifted and positions had changed into more relaxed ones.

Jacob picked up the book that was open and covering his face as he thought he heard clunking from above. Joseph had sat up as well from his section of the couch he was occupying, but John just shifted a bit and started groaning.

“Shut it John, you can whine all you want once we figure out what the hell that is. You have guards around this place, right?” Jacob folded the book closed and set it on the floor underneath his chair. He got to his feet as he angled his head towards the ceiling.

Some more thumping.

“For the love of God, not again! Just please don’t break the-” John rubbed his hands over his face and climbed off the sofa as he raised his voice, but the youngest brother was cut off by the sound of shattering glass.

“With great power, comes great responsibility, Johnny!” Jacob had his gun out in a flash, Joseph and Faith had jumped to their feet, and a few guards had come rushing into the ranch house. Yet John was still reclined on the sofa, his posture conveying annoyance instead of alarm.

From the skylight above John’s dining table, was a descending deputy with a bottle of liquor in her hand as she hollered at the top of her lungs. 

A climbing grapple was attached to the window Rook had fallen through, and a carabine was clipped to a contraption around her waist. She was swinging through the air by a rope, laughing obnoxiously with a grin on her face.

Jacob had lowered his gun and waved off the members of the flock that had their guns aimed at their unexpected guest. When they didn’t move from their positions from the shock of seeing the deputy in such a state, Jacob rolled his eyes and spoke up.

“Dismissed.” His voice was loud and threatening, which got the deputy’s attention while she was taking another sip from the bottle in her hand.

“Jacob! Don’t be so mean to the poor guys!” Her legs swung forward then back, increasing the amount of distance she covered. Jacob raised an eyebrow in amusement, a ghost of a smile on his face.

“They didn’t follow orders pup,” He shrugged and slowly walked over to the dining table so that he was underneath the arc of the deputy’s swing. Jacob couldn’t help but just stand there and watch her as she moved through the air. “She done this before, John?” 

John was already making his way over to the deputy, looking thoroughly disgruntled that he’d had to give up his comfort for her safety.

“Last week she came barging in through the spare bedroom upstairs with a stupid cowboy hat on screeching-” John was starting to explain that the deputy had, in fact, started making a habit out of appearing at the ranch unannounced and highly intoxicated. Just as he’d started to tell his eldest brother what phrase Rook had shouted into the ranch house, she had started yelling it yet again. “-YIPPIE KIYAY MOTHERFUCKERS!”

Her hands were thrown above her head as her body started to rotate in the air, but she’d forgotten she was holding a bottle of liquor. The bottle crashed to the ground, nearly missing Jacob’s shoulder on the way down, and sprayed alcohol all over John’s floor.

“It’s…odd seeing her act this way.” Faith spoke up from where she stood transfixed by the other woman in the house. Joseph chuckled softly and placed a hand on Faith’s shoulder before walking over to his brothers.

“We should try to convince her to come down before she hurts herself. Faith, will you make sure the guest bedroom is clean for her?” Joseph looked over at Faith, who nodded in response and hurried off. 

“C’mon pup, time to come down.” Jacob’s tone was oozing with boredom as his arms folded across his chest. Rook shook her head, pouting as she gazed down at her broken bottle.

“No can do, lumberjack. I don’t want to come down. It’s nice and cool up here, plus I look really hot.” She pointed to Jacob with a confident nod, but he just rolled his eyes in response. Then Rook swung particularly far and nearly hit the antler chandelier hanging above the table, and Jacob felt his stomach drop.

“Deputy! Calm…just come on down now. Carefully. We don’t need you getting hurt now.” Joseph reached his hands up and out to Rook, his eyes slightly wide with panic as she gave another big kick to swing herself again.

“It’s like a giant swing. Maybe if you come join me I can show you how fun it is.” Rook leaned back so that she was looking at Joseph upside down, and she shot him a wink. Jacob erupted into a bout of rumbling laughter and John sighed dramatically while Joseph stood there slightly slackjawed.

Rook gasped as she noticed John coming closer to where she was suspended in the air. She started swinging her legs to counteract the momentum she had acquired, her tongue sticking out of the side of her lips as she concentrated.

“My darling, will you please come down before you get hurt? We can’t have such a delicate thing like you breaking anything, now can we?” John’s voice was warm and inviting, but Rook didn’t need much convincing from the third brother. 

She started to let the rope out, bringing herself closer to the ground. Rook tried to angle herself so that her feet would land on the table, but in her drunken stupor, her fingers let too much rope go at once.

“Oh shit!” She slurred as her body dropped the few feet above the dining table and she landed on top of it with a loud bang. Pain radiated from the backside of her body, but she couldn’t help but giggle.

“Are you alright?” Joseph took a step towards the deputy as she rolled over on the table, groaning through her laughter.

“I’m fine, I just…ugh everything’s starting to swim.” Rook wiggled towards the edge of the table, where Jacob helped set her feet on the ground as Faith came back down the stairs.

“Did Rook fall? I heard a loud noise.” She raised her eyebrows as she watched John and Jacob hold the deputy up, who was beginning turning a shade paler.

“Right onto my poor table. I’m surprised she didn’t splinter the wood. We’re going to take her upstairs, Faith. Would you mind looking in on her every so often to make sure she hasn’t choked on her own vomit?” John’s voice sharpened towards the end of his sentence, the scolding directed towards the deputy reliant on him and Jacob to go anywhere.

“I’ll make sure she’s alright.” Faith nodded and continued past them and into the kitchen.

As the brother’s ascended the staircase to the guest room, Rook was softly humming the tune to “Oh John” with closed eyes and a relaxed posture. 

She looked peaceful at the moment with her arms wrapped around John and Jacob’s shoulders, but they all knew she was going to be in a world of hurt in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @farcryfuckmeup


End file.
